By Kimberly Patterson of Truth is in the Writing
Next month, voters all around the country will go into a private booth and vote their conscience. This election season has been one hell of a ride, and no doubt voters will be feeling the whiplash and back pains from this roller coaster for months after either Mr. Trump or Secretary Clinton gets sworn in on January 20, 2017.
In the midst of the crazy train that is this election, or rather the train wreck that is Donald Trump, I can’t help but make comparisons between the orange businessman and my three-year-old son.
They are both night-owls.
Just like Mr. Trump thinks people care about what he has to say on Twitter at 3 o’clock in the morning, my son likes to come wake me in the middle of the night to tell me he just used the potty…night after night. In both cases, it was interesting and even newsworthy the first time, but the novelty wears off fast.
They both think they can do more than they really can.
My son thinks he can will his bike off the ground into the sky by pure imagination, just like Elliott in the movie E.T. Mr. Trump thinks he can get Mexico to pay for a “big, beautiful wall.” During the Olympics, my little guy saw Michael Phelps swim and declared he could swim just like that the next day. Needless to say, as much as I love my boy, he’s no Michael Phelps in the pool…yet. Donald thinks he can earn the respect of world leaders and get women to vote for him by calling them things like dogs and pigs. As my son would say, “Donald, you’re so silly!”
They both talk about their penises in public.
Like most three-year-old boys, my son’s male member is a favorite topic of conversation, regardless of our locale. He’s too young to hold a press conference; however, just like the Donald, he also likes to brag about the size of his appendage to anyone who will listen. Boys will be boys. (insert eye roll and giggle here). Until you realize that the boy is actually a man running for President of the United States. (insert big-eyed, scared emoticon)
They both play the victim card whenever possible.
After a horrible performance at the debate, Trump blamed the microphone, the moderator, his case of the sniffles for his lackluster presentation. Donald LOVES playing the victim and rarely takes responsibility for his actions. Reminds me so much of someone else I know! His sister took his truck, which is why he was justified in hitting her. He wanted the green straw, not the blue one, and it’s a conspiracy Mommy and Daddy are plotting against him. I’m waiting for him to ask me to present evidence of the box of straws in the same fashion Trump demanded to see Obama’s birth certificate. He’s going to be so disappointed when he realizes the box simply doesn’t have blue straws, although if he’s anything like Donald, it will take nearly five years for him to acknowledge this fact.
They both take joy in hurdling insults at others.
“You’re a toot!” (he laughs). Sadly, this could’ve been said by either my son or Trump, and both would’ve been completely believable. In this case, fact-checkers (my husband and I) have declared that our little guy is guilty of this one. This insult is his go-to when he wants to go for the jugular. When Donald calls people like Tim O’Brien a ‘stupid talking-head’ on Twitter, it even sounds like something my three-year-old would say. “Mommy, you’re a stupid talking-head!”
While it terrifies me as a mother to see how much my son has in common with a misogynistic, xenophobic bigot, I take heart knowing that there is still plenty of time to turn things around in his life. My son is young, and he is just learning right from wrong, social graces and basically how not to be a jerk. On the other hand, Donald Trump is 70 years old. If he hasn’t changed by now, he never will.
I hope voters remember that when they cast their vote this November.
About the Author
Kimberly Patterson is a writer, wife and mother of two adorable, over-zealous toddlers. She spends her days in yoga pants, pecking away at the keys on her laptop, and pulling her kids to down from whatever household furniture they climb upon. She has been published on Scary Mommy, Mamalode, The Mighty and Her View From Home. Read more on her insights at Truth is in the Writing.