Summer is a time for laughter and relaxation. And part of that relaxation is avoiding uncomfortable, exhausting, and insufferably annoying scenarios like these:

1) Awkward run-ins with the neighbor that you had to call the cops on.

Unfortunately for my family, it’s too late. This became obvious when their oldest (5 years old) yelled to my hubs, “You don’t have to call the cops today; my mom is outside with us!”

2) Pushing children on the swings.

It seems like a good idea, until they need you to constantly push them. Then if they are anything like my children, they refuse to put any effort in to get themselves going.

Also, are my kids the only ones who decide they are done and immediately need off? My three year old literally has let go and just fallen off when she is done. Is that a normal thing?

3) Water gun fights without arming yourself.

I thought that I would get my girls a couple water guns and buy myself some peace while they duked it out. Apparently this is not how it works.

I had little girls chasing me, yelling “Bungee!” and drenching my crotch (it’s at their level; they can’t help it.) I still don’t know what “Bungee” means to them, but I know how it sounds in my nightmares, and it means run like hell there.

4) Letting them “help” mow the lawn.

Unless you are looking for a resistance workout, this seems to be a bad use of time. My children actually pull back on the lawnmower, allowing me the benefit of double the effort to get the work done.

5) Not killing all the bugs in the whole world before allowing children outside.

I have a bug-o-phobe who loves the outdoors. She never wants to be inside, but when we are outside, she is constantly requesting that I kill all the bugs. Or get them away from her.

I may throw her in a beekeeper suit by the end of summer.