By Nicole Hardy of She Emerges
Last December my youngest daughter turned three, and I thought it would be a hallelujah moment. It was the end of the terrible twos, and let me tell you, they were terrible.
But three somehow seemed worse. She became more defiant and pushed boundaries harder than ever before. Her vocabulary regressed, and the one word she primarily used was “NO!” She pounded her fists on the table, demanding endless Kraft Mac & Cheese like an Italian mobster making sure the job gets done. She stomped around the house like a caveman, grunting and moaning until someone felt sorry for her again.
She was working this new phase of life like a politician pushing a shady campaign. Her only agenda: dictatorship. My only hope: self-help books. But they were useless and rarely rescued me from another year of meltdowns, throwdowns, and takedowns.
I suddenly missed the terrible twos and had entered the realm of what I called the “Threatening Threes.” She was threatening my patience, my sanity, my logic, and my complete and utter chance at surviving motherhood.
And why? Mommy was just trying to teach her good manners and new rules. How to grow into a thriving little human who is well-behaved at home and in public. How to embrace new foods and develop new social skills. And how to fully grasp what the world will be like when she enters Pre-K.
After all this push and pull it, finally struck me: maybe she is genuinely enjoying the ways of her three-year-old world? Maybe she’s not ready for a change? And maybe, just maaaaybe I was straight up jealous my lifestyle wasn’t as carefree and fun?
OMG, it’s true. (gulp).
I AM jealous of my toddler, and here are twenty reasons why:
She….
1. Devours macaroni and cheese and applesauce at practically every meal without worrying about her waistline.
2. Lets her tired limbs sleep through a potty break in the middle of the night and continues her uninterrupted slumber by peeing in her pull-up.
3. Goes bobble-head crazy at birthday parties on a 10:00 am cupcake-high, leaping around like superwoman in a totally awesome bounce house.
4. Screams and throws herself on the floor in public places to manipulate people by method of total embarrassment (I might try that at Tiffany’s in front of my husband next time).
5. Pulls clothes out of her dresser drawer and mushes them into a ball so she’s never asked to do laundry (another thing I might try in front of my husband).
6. Laughs out loud when she toots instead of trying to blame the dog.
7. Proudly stands on the booth at the Cheesecake Factory, announcing, “More cake please after I go do a poopy!”
8. Eats with her fingers and wears ketchup on her clothes like a medal of honor for a job well done.
9. Rides around Disney World in a stroller, comfortably napping through hour-long lines in 100-degree temperatures under a shaded canopy.
10. Strips down to her birthday suit in front of company because it’s no big deal.
11. Doesn’t have to shave any area of her body. At all.
12. Doesn’t have to share if she really doesn’t want to.
13. Has no desire to be politically correct. Ever.
14. Gets away with calling others stupid when they are seriously being STUPID.
15. Looks cute when she is missing a tooth.
16. Is called “adorable” instead of a “dingbat” when she mispronounces words.
17. Gets to sleep with a stuffed animal without anyone thinking she’s a weirdo.
18. Shamelessly picks her nose on playdates because it’s completely acceptable etiquette (and somewhat of an initiation) amongst her friends.
19. Confidently starts a new fashion statement, wearing mismatched clothes, a ladybug sunhat, and an Elmo bib as a cape for a little extra flair – while rocking her new look better than any celebrity on the red carpet.
20. Is treated like royalty with multiple servants offering to bathe her nightly, style her wavy locks, prepare her a delicious meal (of her beloved mac and cheese mixed with applesauce), buy her precious new clothing, chauffer her around town, sing to her before bedtime, and tell her she is the MOST AMAZING PRINCESS EVER!
Lucky little duck. I want to be a toddler.
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About the Author
Nicole Hardy is a 40ish-year-old mom of two, obsessed with coffee, her children and her hair. After 14 years in Corporate America, she ditched her cubicle for her calling, and launched her blog: She Emerges. She’s finding herself, feeding her soul, and baby she’s emerging! Follow Nicole on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.